Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Closure

Revelations are daily affairs. They come down to us in a moment of epiphanic bluntness, like a thunderbolt in a tumultuous night - it illumines the darkness for a split second, makes the order of things visible in a strange light, catches one unawares and then disappears; an impression so sombre yet enlightening that leaves one dumbstruck at his/her own lack of insight. The things have always made perfect sense, if only we had the eye for it. Revelations are not long, sordid lessons, sermons that can be read out or passed onto from fathers to sons, they are not genes that cannot be helped with. Revelations are those little secrets we all look for in our own peculiar ways, those personal enigmas that we all try to fathom, and which, after years of persevering, happen to just animate themselves towards a coherent meaning we overlooked in our vain pedantry.
Revelation that was, when it came upon me after four excruciating months of denying, eliding and wishing away a past I thought is non-negotiable. Revelation it truly was, when it occurred to me that the answers lay in front of me, and I only need acknowledge, only need flip the coin otherwise, and see for myself the world resurrect itself from the chaotic debris, I had watched it fall into. I don't know who owes the credit for saying that things have a time, and a course to run, and the end is the only plausible direction any beginning would steer itself to. The whole notion of eternity and timeless don't apply to all the things, eternity is emptiness, eternity is the toil of Sisyphus, eternity is when after a shattering experience one tries to put the pieces back into a whole and make some meaning of it. Eternity is loneliness, eternity is time come to a halt, because life ceased to be meaningful.
Passions are terrible! they are all-consuming. They demand total surrender, an absolute annihilation. They ask you leap tall bounds, plunge into the deepest depths, try deeds unheard of, push yourself to the extreme, and leave you battered and at a loss. Love is one such. For some reason, I cannot stop myself from grappling with this, and though I have persevered with all my might, I know resolution lies nowhere in sight. Although, resolutions elude me, revelations grace me nonetheless. And here, is the latest - a closure that granted me a deep respite, a relief from a haranguing passion that plagued me for two years and took another four months to wane away. A revelation that caught me, one night, tumultuous among those crying fits and bouts of loneliness, like a thunderbolt, that left me dumbstruck. I was cursing my heart, holding it up to ridicule, when a voice in me interjected- Do you feel unlucky for having eyes when you come across a blind man? Or wretched at having legs when you see a maimed person? Why then must you feel such revulsion at possessing a heart for having come across a person who is heartless? Why do you consider yourself doomed for having the faculty to experience passions that wrench you, for someone who could not imagine the scope of his deficiency? Why curse your plenitude for the penury of the other?
Passions are all consuming, but what would life be bereft of them? Straitjacketed? Bland? All safe and secured, but utterly unbearable. It is what makes our stay on earth, human. I have a heart, and I feel the stings and whiplashes, but I also feel the warmth of a glow, the flutter of the cool winds, I feel the tingle of the first showers, I feel it all. Wishing away it all for a life placid devoid of passion, is paying too high a price.
For how pitiful would it be, while rushing for a routine day, I don't happen to smile at a bright purple flower growing wantonly beside concrete tartar roads! How devastatingly would I shame myself before God, disappointing his endeavour to catch an attentive soul, not blind to heart's bidding, not maimed by the daily mechanical toil, not gone cold to the warmth that still abounds.
Revelation, it was! A closure it brought me.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent piece l enjoyed reading it . Thanks [:)]